always like

ah

it's been twenty years
of this

question is
next twenty?

two state oscillator

one is down it is all dark
one is up it is all light

the flame ignites
and the switch is a fact

is it light by itself?
the walls of demands shielding the light to appear

is there not something
then it is always light and dark
but appears on conditions

always zazen

roshi is dead

there is always zazen
just form
just emptiness

the cypress stands in the courtyard
yet another cup of tea

celebrate the pure awareness
let it come back into life
again

rebirth

break the chain

Break the chain
Of painting the future at all
In advance both too white and too black

How to do it?
The habit of extrapolation.

Suppose one have to let the seed go to a soil not that fertile?

levels

Ah, it is clear this day.
Going from the fleeting dust of emotions,
inwards, finding stability beyond.

The perceptions hook you back into the loop easily.
Driving the wheel once again.

no replacement

can't replace a habit
but start a better one
and cross over
now and then

how to really
emptying every feeling into the strategy of emptiness
more radical tools are needed for this
else the actual habit is just forcing itself back in

so the emptying has to be built
in another way
not replacing the old habit at first

and create the lateral trigger
to take the jump into another path

so use synthesis on your self
opposing your own ego
and let go

use the ego's weapon of dualism to the non-self advantage
when both dualism and non-dualism take each other out
what is left?

ego surplus

the ego surplus has to end
this never ending hole that begs to be filled

how to stop all poisons?
how hard is it?

and the ego just likes to be missed
like a magnet in a black hole

spraying dust over the fields

mind contents

I don't have the same thoughts during meditation, as during non-meditation.
The conditioning affects the mind contents, quite a lot.

Non-medi-time has more clouds of thoughts lingering on through the day.

Sometimes shadowing, sometimes illuminating, but more automatic than focused.
It would be good to dissolve these clouds a bit faster, to get the brightness back.

discomforting

this is how loosening attachments feels like
it is not especially pleasant
but one have to do it in order to get closer to liberation

it is like releasing one self from a cliff, getting scared of falling down
until some ground appears, maybe

falling into darkness, but where darkness is light
and light is darkness
moving in stillness

trying to feel the discontinuity
separating each world sample

where in time are we?

freed-oo-m

to decide what to do
what not to do

when to do
when not to do

how to do
how not to do

no sampling allowed
the copy dog eats the copy cat
in the bull

d-oo-zer

what the

disconnect
detach

let them do their thing
but don't get caught in the net of gray stones

just the sounds the vision the touch
without any new creations

creative without thought

bad hair day

a dark day
but it went better in the evening
sitting at least fifteen minutes to calm

there is nothing to attain

skräp

A cold
A bit better day
Did zazen in the morning and evening
Learning Ruby
Feta/Tomato/Bread in oven

Buddhism is tough

messy day

Weird issues at work all day, until 7p, still not solved.

But zazen last night was good, I started trying to just perceive the texture of surrounding objects.

today

Spoke with Swedish friends, had lunch with an old colleague and then off to zazen.

The following dharma talk was uninspiring as usual. There is a critical difference between a zen priest and a zen master.